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Рубрика: Моя жизнь | 17 Ноя 2008 в 9:56

Ежуров Леонид

Леонид Ежуров Кратко:
Руководитель Общественной организации «Режиссёр.Орг»
Журналист, event-менеджер, режиссёр.Среди интересов:
кино, театр, современные медиа

Профили в социальных сетях:

Вконтакте -http://vkontakte.ru/ezhurov
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Экспериментальная новелла «Тело»

Рубрика: Литературные эксперименты | 13 Ноя 2008 в 15:44

Это вообще из старого. Но надо ж чем-то блог начать заполнять, прежде чем писать в него войдет в привычку. Эту свою новеллу я очень люблю. Она очень короткая, но не настолько короткая, как то мгновение, то ощущение мира, как единой целостной системы, которое спровоцировало на ее создание.http://reteks.ru

Тот, кто постоянно устремлен «куда-то выше», должен считаться с тем,
что однажды у него закружится голова. Что же такое головокружение?
Страх падения? Но почему у нас кружится голова и на обзорной башне,
обнесенной защитным парапетом? Нет, головокружение нечто иное, чем
страх падения.Головокружение – это глубокая пустота под нами, что влечет,
манит, пробуждает в нас тягу к падению, которому мы в ужасе сопротивляемся.
Милан Кундера «Невыносимая легкость бытия»

Поднимаешь голову – видишь звезды. Пробегаешь по битому асфальту; впереди — видишь поле. Проводишь рукой по верхушкам колосьев, ощущаешь, как они наполнились влагой. Падаешь. Видишь как солнце раскаленное как уголь, но к вечеру его краснота холодна, угасает, на горизонте. Запах земли; закрываешь глаза и слышишь — этот радостный голос миллионов: стройные марши муравьев, неповоротливые шаги жуков, шумные посадки и взлеты стрекоз, таинственные перемещения пауков, под землей червей, в воздухе летучих мышей. Сердце бьется, болит, радуется. Жаждет, ждет, жарится. Не зная, чего желает, не понимая причин, бессмысленно — печалится…

Темнеет, тучнеет. Звезды, в смуте воздушных масс, уже не видны. Ветер, ветерок. Горожанин, стремительный как ракета, не знающая преград, мыслью опутанный целую вечность, остановился. Заглушил двигатель, погасил фары. Перестал говорить-говорить-говорить, как обычно, пусть и беззвучно. Притих, бездумно. Стал слушать. Темно-синее, словно черное, утром облако, в ночь – гроза. Рваная молния, гром, милый, с малого детства сердцу. Запах еще приятней, тело еще безумней. Страстно, робко, с туч капли в ладонь. Умолк вовсе.

Разжав кулак, отпустил каплю воды, она с нежностью, любовью, соскользнула с руки, стала теплой и мягкой, будто сама разжала свой собственный невидимый кулак, вдохнула глубоко, и тихо-звонко разбилась. Деревья покачиваются, луна бела, пустота черна. Вдруг, странное дело, биение сердца, отстало, от строя слепых солдат, от их безучастности, остановилось. Деревья…Луна бела…пустота черна. Время как тонкий, почти прозрачный, летний шарф, соскользнуло с влажной шеи.

Неповторим запах дождя, такой живой, несет с небес как специю жажду. Дрожат пальцы, ощупывая пустоту; но она перестала быть чем-то цельным, какая-то малая часть ее отвечает мягким прикосновением в ответ. Не материально, абстракция? Блуждающая сущность? Но она рядом. Вместо ветра ее язычок, в поцелуе играет смело. Пшеничное поле становится телом (греешь дыханием спелую грудь), зерно потом, дождь лаской, молния – криком. Земля в небо, ночь в бездну, рука в руку, жизнь в жизнь. Слеза боли, сжимай крепче, ногти в спину, кровь в землю. Сильнее бури, жарче, чем Солнце, глубже, чем звезды: в молниях ночь, игривей ветер, дождь градом. Пожалуйста дальше, пожалуйста ближе: не телом, а сердцем. Губами в душу, пожалуйста дальше – пожалуйста ближе. Так чтоб совсем, едино в век. Сильнее без силы, дыхания в синтез, сердца в резонанс. Безумней, громче, тяжелей, еще-еще…
Пустота полна, затихла Вселенная.

Весь промокший, дрожащий, пустой – рассекает веслом рук ночь. Капли скатываются, скапливаются — в рубахе, джинсах, волосах, туфлях. Ноги в грязь. Хоть бы капельку света, чтоб разглядеть: где дорога, куда идти. Будто и в самом деле – в пустоте. На ощупь (опустившись на четвереньки), продвигаясь в действительность. Влажная, глиняная, холодная почва; бедная, редкая растительность, режущая кожу. Слышны взмахи крыльев баклана (или другой крупной птицы) вдалеке. Сердце: ускоряет бег, рвется, страшится, разрывается. Хоть бы капельку света; движешься только на ощупь. На ощупь, рука опустилась на что-то теплое. Покрыто шерстью как пес. Другое зрение дает возможность увидеть лапы, глаза, клыки… Волк; волк. Сердцу: смирно!. Глаза в глаза – смотреть вровень. Играем роли: хищник – жертва? Или живой с живым? Без движений. Напряженно. Два странника, темна ночь. Что видит в глазах человека волк? А что видит человек? Прошлое, настоящее? Господи, сколько лет… солнечный день, босиком по горячим бетонным плитам, безлюдно, но в радости, тепло-светло, снял одежду, бегом в воду, вдруг колебания ветра, игры света…словно становишься шире, целый мир в мире, ощущаешь все тело рек, от ручья до океана, кожу и сердце земли, все тела женщин, все тела мужчин, детей… одно, одно, большое живое тело.
Так радостно… что хочется умереть…

Глаза зверя наполнились кровью.
В движение…


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